I.Dysphoria
Multidimensional garments
Drapes the surface of my body
Bearing down my limbs
Entangling every inch and crevice
Squeezing and kissing the absence of air
Lingering the taste of my sweat
Within each kiss and touch contained a voice
Truth and lies mingled into one
As I attempt to swallow the backlash compliments
which the owner dished out
No longer am I able to withstand
Gripping the corner of the cloths
I stepped into the door that leads to my body.
 
The fabrics flew to the floor
Abandoned, disregarded, and insignificant
Gazing into the looming glass
Reflecting myself back to me
I stood there bare
My breathing resonated with the silence
Yet it shattered the core of me
My throat tightened
Making it hard to swallow
Seems as if someone was scraping a knife against it
Each breath became shallower than the last
My feet begin moving closer to the glass
Tears welled up at my eyelids
Pouring over until my skin felt hot
Hunched over
This thing residing in my chest
Hammered between my ribcage
Stop stop stop
Pounding my head with my own hand
Maybe the disgust will go away
 
Peel back the skin of my breast
Expose the underlying tissue
Rip the chunks of it
Till there’s nothing but a gaping hole
Rearrange them
In what order, i’m not really sure of yet
Maybe go for a flat demeanor
But there days where I want a little something there
Make it customizable
Shifting into what my body and mind needs
 
The thought breaks me
Because it’s far fetched
A hopeful wish
That society has deemed unfit for my kind
Putting a high price on something
That would be beneficial to me and my peace
Yet my pocket is lacking
So what shall I do then?
I shall take it one day at a time
One day at a time
One day at a time
The repetition never puts my mind at ease’
Nor does it make the disgust go away
 
I truly seek to cultivate my body
Into the image that I sought for
Yet i have to wait
Until then
I am a stranger in the discomfort of my body
Being a foreigner in spite the things I like
This body holds no meaning until it does.
For now it’s merely just
Flesh, blood and bones