An excerpt from the truly inspired presidential action.

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered:

Across the country today, medical professionals are maiming and sterilizing a growing number of impressionable children under the radical and false claim that adults can change a child’s sex through a series of irreversible medical interventions. This dangerous trend will be a stain on our Nation’s history, and it must end.

Countless children soon regret that they have been mutilated and begin to grasp the horrifying tragedy that they will never be able to conceive children of their own or nurture their children through breastfeeding. Moreover, these vulnerable youths’ medical bills may rise throughout their lifetimes, as they are often trapped with lifelong medical complications, a losing war with their own bodies, and, tragically, sterilization.

Accordingly, it is the policy of the United States that it will not fund, sponsor, promote, assist, or support the so-called “transition” of a child from one sex to another, and it will rigorously enforce all laws that prohibit or limit these destructive and life-altering procedures.

—

Cut me up into little pieces and sew me back together like that guy from Tusk.
Fill my mouth with cement and lard,
Twist me like taffy, stroke me like a cock—
Oh, and kill me, have I mentioned kill me yet?

I am America’s rate of Transgender suicide,
And the paragon of Trans survival.
My pronouns are fuck/you
And I threw the last brick at Stonewall, right before Marsha told me to go home.

My body remains untouched,
By needle or razor or dick,
In fact, biblically, I’m still a virgin,
And transgenderly, I barely count.

(do 20-something they-fabs with lesbian haircuts and Nebula subscriptions go to heaven?
I doubt it.)

I am the ghost of the Transsexual past,
and the Transgender present,
and the Trans-whatever-comes-next.

You’ll only ever see me out of the corner of your eye.
When the shadow of a desk lamp is suddenly a person,
Or the wind screams with the voice of a woman,
That’s all me, baby.

You just need to embrace it,
This Transgender virus,
The sexual sensation that’s sweeping the nation,
Turning all your boys into girl and your girls into boys and your husbands into statutory rapists.

There’s no use in fighting,
We control everything, remember?
The banks and the tanks and the water supply,
You’ll be one of us before the year is out.

(It’ll only hurt a little bit…
alright, so it’s gonna hurt a lot.
But I promise, you’ll grow to love the pain.)